Something is Missing!

I miss my mommy!

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Imagine a 44 year old, grown woman professing to miss her mommy! Well, it is the utter truth, uncensored and direct.

Please understand that I will not apologize for my grief, or my continued expression of it, and if I’m annoying you in any way about the loss of one of my very best friends’ ~ I urge you to change the channel immediately!

I have some situations facing me, in the not too distant future that will definitely cause mental anguish as I will be forced to repeatedly acknowledge the truth that my mother is gone, in the physical form. I will need to share my anguish so that I don’t find myself inviting a train to end my existence.

Torment

I sat in a nail salon earlier today, fighting with tears that were desperate to roll down my cheeks — reliving the day my mother told me that she was tired and ‘ready’ {my heart sank}; but was not ready to leave ‘us’ because she would miss us too much! She could never imagine how much it would be that we would miss her!

I encourage everyone to love, and spend as MUCH time with those you hold near to your heart as you can. You see,

    time

is the one thing in our lives that we cannot place a monetary value on, nor can we pay any amount to regain it.

My mother’s home has had an awkward aura in its air since her passing. She no longer stands at the front door, despite my efforts to shoo her away from potentially catching cold while standing in the drafty entrance, to wave me off and blow a kiss when I reluctantly leave her to return to my new life with my new husband. There are no more text messages with a veiled sense of annoyance when my infamous tardiness leaves her worried that we may not make it to one of the many medical appointments she had. (Ha!) My morning chat partner, as I drove to work is not on the other end of the horn encouraging me to pray when one of the chocolate-faced demons once again attempt to stab me in the back. And most of all, our drives into NYC were most cherished as it would be the time when, between her medication induced nods we would talk about life and fuss about the highway I chose to take…

My ace is silent, yet I can hear her words repeatedly in my head…
And I miss her more with each passing day.

May God’s blessings be upon you always as I ask that you lift me, my sister, brother, son and niece in prayer.

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17 Comments
  1. My heart is with you, dearheart. You know I understand how you feel. My thoughts and prayers for you and your fam have never ceased. *big huge gigantic hugs* Love you Trel

    • I think of you and your mom often, Vee ~ I know that you definitely understand what I’m feeling and trying to cope with. Please know that I love you & am inspired by your spirit to keep keeping on…

  2. Trel no words can adequately describe the loss one feels when a loved one leaves us but please be glad and grateful that you filled and cherished every moment.

    Much Love

  3. Hey Trel, That was so beautiful and so right on time. I’m sitting here at my desk waiting for the 3:30 bell to ring lol. My job has changed so much in the past few years, its amazing, however, I am thankful for the job.

    I too miss your mom so much. I think about her often and could actually hear her voice speaking. Helen was an amazing woman and she lives in all of our hearts. Its ok to cry, I still cry for my mom. We were so tight with one another. I know she is in a better place, but I still miss her. What you will see as time passes is that when you and your family are together for family functions, the job that will come when you start to talk about your mom. The funny things, the sad things, everything. God is so good, he will continue to give you Peace and Comfort. I pray God’s blessings over you and your family today and always. I pray that through this, He will keep you all bonded as glue. I am always here to talk to you, so please whenever you feel the need, text, call, email or drop by. I love you Detrel

  4. What a wonderful and touching tribute! God bless you.

  5. Hey sis, beautiful pictures and although I didn’t know her personally, I know that your mom was a beautiful person with a beautiful spirit. I’m continuing to lift you & your family up in prayer and know that it’s OK for you to grieve and release for as long as you need and however you need. God has you and even now, he’s carrying you through – YOU’LL MAKE IT!!!

    • Thanks Kae Dee ~ I remember the moments of encouragement you offered when my mom was between hospital stays. I was as grateful for you then as I am now.

  6. Your sharing not only helps you but it helps others who may be going through similar life changes. Even though you will never stop missing her, I’m glad that you got to experience her love because it helped make you the person you are. God bless!

  7. My dearest Trelly, thank you for being so open and honest about how you are feeling. And no we will NOT change the channel. My heart and my prayers are with you and your beautiful loving family. No words can ease your pain and grief but know that by you sharing your inner soul as you have done God is using you to bless and heal someone else. You are touching someone else’s life and giving them hope. God will never leave you Trelly. I love you and I’m always here for you. t

    • My words are borne out of the feelings: hurt, emptiness, abandonment and even a touch of selfish anger. There’s a sense of everlasting connectivity that will live on between me and mom, Tracy. Pass along my love to your mom ~ and thank you for your warmth.

  8. (Detrel)
    Throughout the day I received precious comments from friends. I’d like to share them, as I can look back on them in days to come for encouragement:

    1. Prov. 4:3 describes you perfectly
    The way you cared for her is certainly worthy of imitation.

    2. I read this this morning. Beautifully said and if you ever need to talk or just get out and hubby is not available just let me know.

    3. Detrel, this is beautiful. You are indeed in my prayers. Your mom was beautiful. I love the photo of you with her as a little girl.

    4. Thank u so much for sharing that. I could feel your heart and soul and pain in the words. My mom was just recently hospitalized and for a few days my whole world crashed down around me. Not to say that I know exactly (or even a small part of) how you are feeling, but I did grasp in that moment how monumental our mothers are to us and how much they mean to our very existence. Keep talking your way through. You will always have a loving and supportive audience.

    5. Keep sharing. This is a great way for you to heal. Know that you have folks who want to read all that you write and feel all that you feel cause we simply love you. Ain’t nothing wrong with you sharing.

    I love this dedication.

    6. girl that was amazing! Your mom is always in your heart…. that was beautiful!

    Thanks for Sharing…..

  9. You are in my Prayers

  10. Oh God.Have Mercy. Detrel, Hold on to the precious time and memories. I wish I could say something to ease ur heavy heart. Try to find comfort in knowing she is with God and is no longer suffering. Thank God for giving u such a beautiful, wonderful Mom.

  11. As you know, another piece of my heart is also missing, but knowing the assurance that Jehovah has given (John 5:28,29),
    we must take comfort in knowing that we will see and be with our loved ones once again.
    Note Rev. 21:1-4 “The resurrection, based on the ransom sacrifice of Christ Jesus will bring joy to all”

  12. Detrel, that was heartwarming and heart felt to read the profound feelings you have for your mom that will always be with you although she is no longer physically with you. My prayers go out to you and your family, may you always be blessed and guided by God’s love and inspiration.

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