Not My Will, But Thy Will

As the year 2015 winds down, thankfully I can say that I have made it this far. “Tomorrow is not promised,” is something we often hear — and may have even said ourselves. The honest truth is that the next minute is not actually promised to any of us! There are many people who read the things that I post on FaceBook who may not leave a comment, but are sure to make mention of something I posted when I see them. The great thing is that it’s usually a compliment or a question of concern. And when your fellow church sisters and brothers approach you in the sanctuary to offer a word of encouragement around your message, it feels wonderful — and is welcomed by me.

My sister is my best friend and no one will ever knock her out of that position. So when she’s out of sorts, it impacts me. She has been battling health challenges since she was an infant. Besides being the baby, my mother took to her in a special way, I now understand — because of this. She silently worried each time my sister was ill and her fever rose. She knew what could (and would) happen next…

Us: The 70’s

I remember vividly the day my father ran from our apartment with my sister swaddled in blankets after her fever spiked to 104 degrees and she began to convulse, yet again. Imagine my fright at seeing that baby shake uncontrollably, and her little marble eyes roll into their whiteness. He ran to Tremont Avenue to hail a cab bound straight to Jacobi Hospital’s ER — a place that I’d become all too familiar with. The colored circles on their floors that led the way to the examination area were so intriguing to me. (and are still in place today)
30+ years later and seizures are still a part of who she is, presently. I wonder if my ‘stupid cousin’ who teased my sister with The Fever Dance still thinks it’s a laughing matter.

I recount my sister’s medical history because a minister in church stopped me after service this morning to inquire about her health. He follows my FB posts and I was honored that he thought enough to ask. I openly shared with him just what we, as a family are now facing. He encouraged me to continue to pray and ask God to heal my sister’s body, but to remember that her healing is not my will, but thy will. I must let go of worrying, and let God!

Minister Walker also confessed to me that the day we closed out bible study and he called on me (out of the blue) to pray, that I touched him in such a way with my words that he knew that his delivery of the lesson had gone over better than he planned. To hear that something you nervously fumbled through, but reached into your depths to share, impacted someone else is tremendous!

So my prayers for 2016 have already commenced …

I definitely pray for my sister’s healing, but I pray for my own peace of mind; I pray for courage as I consider a new academic & ultimately, a new career path; I pray for new opportunities to move into living space of my own where I am no longer subjected to the insensitivity and inconsiderate ways of others as I line their pockets with ‘rent’ money; I pray for financial stability; I pray for God to light my path with resolutions for the things that clutter my mind; I pray for my son — he worries me more than he knows;


my baby boy

I pray for my brother — I pray for the clouds that have loomed over our murky relationship to part so that we can at least be friendly toward one another in the new year;


me & him

I pray for so much, for so many…

Not my will, but thy will…

Friends first, Sisters always
We’ve got each other!

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